You Oughta Know
by Elizabeth, Trickster Priestess
"You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette is from her album Jagged Little Pill, although this was written to the live Grammy™ version released as a single. Song lyrics are in grey.

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both

It had taken her twenty years, but Lina had finally found the spell she needed. The spell that would let her freely scan and traverse the astral plane. The spell that would let her find him.

Lina took a deep breath and centered herself. Wouldn't do to show up livid. She'd outgrown that.

Besides, that's what they'd expect.

Carefully, she cast the spell. She had the perfect way to track him: her link with him via the Bloodstones. She scanned the plane—ah! there he was! And that bitch was with him.

Calm down, Lina. You have a plan, so stick to it. Several deep breaths later, she was serene again, a trick she'd taught herself over two long, lonely decades.

Now. The spell was completed, and lo and behold, there they were, Xelloss and his paramour. And playing with their food, no less—a terrified woman, an average commoner who could've come from anywhere.

"Hello, Xelloss. Sheela. It's been a while."

They whipped around in tandem as she said their names. Lina allowed herself a slight smirk. Masking her presence from mazoku was another trick she'd learned over the years.

"You!" A yell from Sheela, who seemed shocked and almost frightened. Lina sincerely hoped the little bitch was terrified.

"Lina..." A breath of sound from her ex-lover, who also seemed shocked. Stunned, even.

"You never did let me wish you two well," Lina said conversationally, nonchalantly approaching the couple.

An older version of me—is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theatre?

Sheela recovered enough to glare. Lina smiled sweetly at Graushelaa's general. The little bitch may have more years behind her than Lina, but Lina was the more powerful one...

"Lina..." Xelloss said again, apparently frozen in place.

"You're not going to—" Sheela spit out.

Lina calmly interrupted. "What, I can't wish you two the best?"

"Why would you do that?" Sheela growled.

Lina shrugged lightly. "Why wouldn't I? Still, I must admit to some curiosity."

"Curiosity?" Sheela sneered.

"Curiosity," Lina confirmed. "Like, for example: has he ever convinced you to go down on him in the White Theatre in Sailloon?"

That was a particularly...interesting memory for Lina. While they had been together, Xelloss had taken it upon himself to give Lina a very thorough sexual education. Their adventure in the theatre had been something of a pop quiz.

Sheela spluttered, then turned to Xelloss as if seeking confirmation that Lina was lying.

Of course, Xelloss couldn't give the bitch any such confirmation. Actually, he didn't seem able to do much anything at the moment...

Does she speak eloquently? And would she have your baby?
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

"Hmm..." Lina said softly as she glanced around, taking in the little hideaway that seemed to be Xelloss and his bitch's home. "I don't see any kids. I would've thought you'd've had a score of 'em after 'settling down,' knowing your favourite activity."

All power had a price. It was a simple, universal truth.

Lina could wield incredible power. Therefore, it logically followed that she'd have to pay a corresponding price.

A large part of that cost had been what the magic had done to her body. After study—and, unfortunately, first-hand experience—Lina had discovered that casting Nightmare magicks made one barren. Lina could never have children.

She did not doubt that her inability to have children was part of the reason Xelloss had left her.

Well, nothing to be done now, she supposed, other than remind Xelloss of what he'd left.

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no

A lifetime ago, Lina and Xelloss had become lovers. Gourry had just died, Zel had disappeared some years before while searching for his cure, Amelia had been very busy with her duties as Queen of Sailloon, and Lina had been very, very alone.

Then Xelloss had showed up out of nowhere, as usual, and had made the loneliness go away. In a surprisingly short amount of time, she'd given in to his advances, and they'd become intimate somewhere in-between him saying "that is a secret" and her attempting to kill him for it.

And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died
'Til you died—but you're still alive

She watched Xelloss swallow hard before finally finding his voice, albeit nothing more than a whisper. "How did you—"

"I'm Lina Inverse," she reminded him before he could finish speaking. "That's how."

She turned toward the fuming Sheela, and said in a conspiratorial whisper, "You know something? That whole 'Xelloss never tells falsehoods, just misleads' thing is a lie. He told me he'd be with me 'til one of us died."

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Lina let her voice return to normal decibels. "You do recall that promise, don't you, Xelloss?"

"I could never forget," he murmured, earning him a petulant look from Sheela and a raised eyebrow from Lina.

You seem very well
Things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well
I thought you should know

Lina scrutinized the mazoku before her, walking around them slowly as if appraising livestock. "You seem to be well," she finally said to the all-but-frozen pair.

"We are," Sheela snapped defensively.

Lina nodded once. "How nice." She locked gazes with her ex-lover. "I'm not quite so lucky. Thought you might want to know."

"Why would we want to know that, you little—"

"Silence," Xelloss commanded his paramour sharply.

"But—"

"Silence."

Sheela obeyed, if reluctantly. Lina watched the little exchange with amusement.

Did you forget about me, Mister Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
But it was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

"So you didn't forget me, after all. I'm touched." Lina's eyes fell on the terrified girl who the mazoku had been tormented when she'd arrived. "Sorry about messing up 'dinner,' but..." she said insincerely, walking over to the 'main course.'

Lina knelt down next to the wide-eyed girl and whispered, "Tell them Lina sent you." A quick spell sent the girl to the Sailloon palace.

"There, now we have a little more privacy."

Xelloss was watching her with an odd expression, probably thinking she'd go ballistic at any moment. Well, he couldn't know she'd gotten a handle on her temper.

"A month, wasn't it?"

"A month what?" Sheela demanded, nervousness obvious in her strained tone.

"A month after Xelloss and I...parted ways...before he took you to his bed, ne?"

"Like it's any of your business!?" Sheela exclaimed hotly, her nervousness obliterated by anger.

Lina rose again, staring at Sheela all the while. Lina was pleased to see the bitch get somewhat flustered.

"It is my business," Lina said simply, not feeling any explanation was truly needed. Both of them knew very well it was her business, after all.

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no

Lina's lips tightened as memory hit her, hard.

She'd discovered that she was barren, and Xelloss had comforted her. Then he'd left on a mission for his master. A month later, he still hadn't returned, hadn't even sent word to her as he normally did when he would be gone for a long time. She'd tried a simple locating spell, though she'd doubted he'd be unshielded and traceable.

To her surprise, he hadn't been shielded. He'd been on the prime material plane, even, meaning Lina could use a scrying device. A simple silver bowl filled with water had sufficed.

She'd been totally shocked to see that he was with Graushelaa's General Sheela—"with" in every sense of the word. It was a horrible image, still burned in Lina's mind. Why...?

She'd raged mindlessly for a while. She hadn't been at her full power for some reason she couldn't recall, and thus had been unable to do much. By the time she'd regained enough power to make her unfaithful lover pay, he'd disappeared.

From then on, she'd attempted to trace him at least once a month, with the same non-results each time. She soon realised she'd have to find another way to find him, and figured the astral plane would be her best chance.

However, such a tracking spell didn't exist with the power required to break through the shielding Xelloss had no doubt used. It had been a long, long search through many towns, many libraries, looking through ancient volumes of astral and mazoku lore, all the time attempting to keep a low profile so he wouldn't get word of what she was doing.

Then, a month ago, Lina had finally found a spell that might work in a volume she'd recovered from an abandoned sorcerer's lab. The spell was imperfect, but Lina had both knowledge and power enough to alter the incantation to suit her needs. Of course, she'd succeeded, being the sorcery genius Lina Inverse, and finally, finally was able to confront her ex-lover face-to-face.

And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died
'Til you died—but you're still alive

Lina turned her gaze to her once-and-former significant other. He seemed to have recovered somewhat from his shock, but he still had that intense and wary—not to mention just plain weird—expression.

Funny, she'd expected to feel more...well, satisfaction by making this little appearance. Instead, she found herself becoming melancholy and nostalgic...

Once again, she was hit by memory, hit by it with such intensity that she inhaled sharply. She could feel tears welling as recalled telling Xelloss about the cost of casting Nightmare magicks.

She loved children, always had, and to learn she could never have children of her own had been devastating. She hadn't cried, however. She'd sort of disappeared into herself; she hadn't spoken at all nor even really moved that much since she'd made the discovery. She couldn't say for sure how much time had past between the epiphany and Xelloss' arrival. It could've been hours or days.

She'd come back to herself upon hearing her name being called. Her eyes, which had been open but unseeing, had suddenly focused on Xelloss' worried face. While she had been numb before, she had suddenly felt his hand on her cheek, his arm around her waist.

"Lina-chan, what's wrong?" he'd asked, and she'd told him, managing for the most part not to choke on the tears that had started to form.

"I'm so sorry," she concluded, blinking hard against the tears.

He'd gently hushed her, then had informed her that it didn't matter in the slightest. "I will be with you, my Lina-chan, 'til one of us dies. I promise."

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Lina could hear the words of his promise as vividly as if he were speaking them aloud that very moment. A sharp pain shot through her chest, and she swallowed hard. This wasn't working. She'd have to let some anger out after all, or she'd break down into pathetic hysterics.

She listened to his promise echo in her head a moment, letting anger burn away the hurt. There, much better.

"Like I said," she started casually, "I'm curious. Have you always lied and no one realised, or is this a new development?"

She locked gazes with Xelloss, distantly wondering what that glimmer of...something...in his eyes meant.

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me
And I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
And you know it

"Lina-chan," Xelloss responded at length, his voice soft and...pained? "I didn't lie to you. You died."

"What?!" The same response came from both Lina and Sheela.

"You don't remember."

"How could I—" Lina stopped speaking suddenly. She...didn't remember exactly what happened right before Xelloss had disappeared.

Scattershot memories flashed through her mind. Someone calling her name in a broken whisper. Her sister's voice, distant and incomprehensible. A beautiful blonde woman kissing her forehead and saying, "You still have chaos to spread, my Chosen."

"Have you seen any gold dragons in the past twenty-odd years?" he asked Lina, ignoring his spluttering paramour.

"No..." Lina said slowly, not understanding why he was asking such a thing now. "No, I haven't."

"And you won't. When those arrogant dragons," he spat the name with a sneer, "finally learned you'd taken a mazoku lover, they decided you were too dangerous to let live.

"They took you by surprise, when you were alone and asleep. That and the sheer number of them...

"I arrived moments too late. You were already dying." He closed his eyes and winced. "I couldn't save you.

"Your sister, Knight of Ceipheed, arrived soon after I did. She told me that the dragons had not asked Ceipheed's permission, and that she would not be obligated to do anything should I choose to avenge you.

"I killed them, finishing the job I should've long ago. Every gold dragon save those few who you cared about died by my hand that day."

Lina stood still; she was the one frozen in place now. As he spoke, ghostly images and echoes of sound confirmed that Xelloss was, indeed, telling the truth.

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it?

"You used me!" Sheela cried abruptly, turning to Xelloss. "I was a substitute for that—that—!" The general seemed unable to think of a sufficiently despicable term.

Xelloss faced Sheela, his eyes closed and a smile on his lips, and sounding more like the Xelloss Lina remembered, replied, "Is it my fault that you didn't bother to keep informed? Besides, I never claimed to be doing anything else."

Sheela looked ready to argue, but the colour suddenly drained from her face. Lina assumed the bitch was thinking back over everything Xelloss had said to her and realising he hadn't actually lied.

"Curse you, Xelloss Metallium!" Sheela screeched in a very un-mazoku-like fashion. She slapped him, more likely to make herself feel better than to 'punish' Xelloss; Lina was well-acquainted with his masochistic tendencies.

Still shrieking, Sheela teleported away.

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Lina needed to sit down. So she did.

Xelloss approached her slowly, still wearing that strange expression. Lina could identify it now: it was a look that said he expected her to dissipate like smoke at any moment. Keeping his eyes on her face, he sat down next to her on the floor.

She wasn't quite sure what to say, what to ask. She'd been so certain he'd just left her...

"It was my fault," he said quietly, clasping his hands together. "You remember when you learned the unpleasant side-effect of Nightmare magicks?"

Lina nodded. She most certainly did remember.

"I was...very worried about you," he said slowly. "I was sloppy, and didn't cast the normal shielding spells. The dragons must've found out then."

Lina stared at him. What was she supposed to say to that?

"I thought you were dead, Lina-chan," he whispered. "I haven't spent any time on the prime material plane since..." He took a deep breath. "I suppose that's why I never learned you had been...brought back."

Lina licked her suddenly-dry lips. "Why?" she asked simply.

Xelloss glanced away. "Why Sheela, you mean? She was usually an adequate...distraction."

"Distraction?" Lina repeated.

Xelloss seemed to be staring at his hands intently, but Lina got the impression it wasn't his hands he was seeing. "Mazoku aren't accustomed to mourning, Lina-chan. I...needed to be distracted, and Sheela was...there."

Lina was surprised when Xelloss suddenly reached out and grasped her hand tightly, as if assuring himself that she were real. "Lina-chan..." she thought she heard him breathe, though she wasn't sure.

"So, what do we do now?" she asked the inevitable question, absently squeezing Xelloss' hands where they held hers.

"What do you want?"

"I want for the last twenty years to have never happened, but I'm not going to get it."

"You mean you tell me you haven't yet learned a spell to turn time back around?" he teased gently, though there was still something almosted pained in his tone.

Lina gave him a Look. He smiled his best innocent grin, the one she knew better than to believe.

It was getting unnerving, Lina thought—it almost was as if the last twenty years hadn't happened.

"What had you planned to do after putting me in my place, Lina-chan?" Xelloss inquired, disrupting Lina's reverie.

"Ah...well, I hadn't planned anything, actually," Lina admitted, staring at their clasped hands. She had been a little, uh, driven in her desire for retribution of some sort. "'Cept maybe tanning your hide and using it as a throw rug," she amended.

"Aww, but I'm decorative and useful the way I am now!" he insisted, his light tone still laced with something strained.

"Useful? For annoying the hell outta me, yeah," Lina parried. A smile played about her lips despite her best efforts to keep a solomn expression.

"Surely I'm useful for more than that?" he prompted, his tone and expression suggestive.

"Maybe," Lina allowed loftily.

"Ne, Lina-chan," Xelloss began quietly, his tone suddenly serious. "Would you be willing to give us another try?"

Lina studied his face, the earnest and nearly pleading expression that was so alien to him. Well, it wasn't really his fault, and I have missed him, and...  "All right. Let's give it another try."

Xelloss bowed his head a moment, his hands tightening around hers. Then he looked back up, gazing into her eyes and smiling sincerely. "We'll be together, my Lina-chan, even beyond death."

–end–

Still confused as to what the hell happened? Then check out The You Oughta Know Primer.

~_~